Negative Criticism: We Criticize What We Think We See, But We Ignore What’s Inside…

It’s been around a year since I decided to change my mindset and the way I choose to see and talk about people, and changing my mentality has been nothing but extremely rewarding to my inner self and those around me. At this moment, some people (mostly close people) still have a hard time believing me when I tell them that I am not that old-me anymore (that person full of negativity and criticism towards others) because I spent so many years in my life being that person, that somehow it became part of me and it’s the image that others have about me.

There were many times in which I wondered why I had so much trouble making (and keeping) friends, which is something that I still struggle with despite being on the path of completely changing my mindset and view of the world. My whole life I’ve spent it struggling with friendships and I always made the mistake of blaming others or blaming external factors, but I did fail to realize that part of my struggle was simply because I was being someone or acted like someone that people simply didn’t want to be around.

And honestly (now that I think about it), I believe that I always knew it deep down but I never wanted to acknowledge it, and to admit it as something negative that came from the hidden part that we all possess, who whispers negative things and thoughts of self-conscious worthlessness. I used to excuse my behaviors by calling it “honesty”, and claiming that I could “see underneath” of people, something that I claimed others couldn’t or didn’t want to do.

Negative criticism is like poison, poison to oneself and to others; we’ve all done it at one point of our lives, and there’s definitely nothing good that comes from it: It feeds our minds and heart with negativity, jealousy and hatred; and most of the time, all that hatred is not about the person who we are directing our hate to, but it’s about ourselves.

When we hate on someone, when we criticize negatively the way that another person look, dresses, speaks, acts… we’re forgetting that everyone is different, and that we can’t expect people to look like or to act like we wish or we want. We, as humans, tend to see only the negative things about people, but we pretty much always fail to see the good things that they do; we’re always expecting to catch the error, the mistake, the ugliness, so we have grounds to criticize them.

It was not until I met certain people, who were always criticizing people for how they look, what they do for a living, and how they chose to live their lives; that I realized how awful I was being, and how ridiculous is to judge others for what you see externally, rather than what there is internally that the eye won’t see. I realized that I wouldn’t want to befriend me, that I was a horrible person. I wasn’t working a minimum-salary job because I’m too lazy to get a degree and I don’t have any ambitions in life; but I was doing it because I had first to move out to another country, learn the language and work my ass-off while I waited to be able to get a university education because my parents couldn’t afford to pay for it. But people could not see that, and everything they saw about me was that I was a 27-year old working minimum salary and based on that, assumed that I had no ambition in life. So it’s the same thing for that forty-something old McDonald’s employee. You don’t know if he is studying college at night and working full-time during the day, you don’t know if he wasn’t able to get an education because he was taking care of his sick, elderly parent… you know nothing about that person and the reasons that made him/her to be doing that job.

At the end, you never know what things could happen in the future that may force you to completely change your life for the better or for the worst, and therefore change how you view it, and how you view people. So that’s why we should always be thankful for the things we have in our lives, we should not be so judgmental of others but instead, treat people kindly and understanding that everyone have good and bad times in life, that there’s always a reason behind everything, that everyone makes mistakes, that everyone has different opinions and experiences.

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Happy Spring Sunday (even if it’s still snowing in Eastern Canada)….

Y.

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Reasons why I’ll never, ever be a books or beauty blogger…

Over the years I’ve owned several blogs, blogs that are born with a spark but die faster than the amount it takes the spark to be at it brightest, and while I am motivated about it for a couple months, I always end up not committing enough. Well, I assume that there are many people out there that has had the same feeling at one point or another.

But I want to point the main reasons which in my case, are the ones that keep me from ever becoming a successful blogger:

  • Reason 1: Lack of money.

Seriously. I’ve never had a great salary, and on top of that, I’m not great at keeping a budget. There’s honestly no way I’m gonna be able to keep buying beauty/makeup, fashion clothing and shoes every week. I know that there are many discount and thrift stores, and budget-friendly makeup alternatives such as drugstore makeup… but let’s be honest, everyone has different priorities. When it comes to makeup, I’m a minimalist, not a hoarder; and the same thing I can say about shoes. It’s like, you like something because it looks cute, and you want it, but you have other priorities (food, pay the bills, not getting into debt), and at the end, you just pass.

And now that I quit my full time job for school, I’m honestly flat out broke. Bye bye blogging dreams.

But, if there’s something that I’m truly willing to spend money on, is BOOKS. First of all, books are way cheaper than clothes and makeup; some would argue and say this is not true, but let’s compare: one paperback/ebook costs average $10-$20, while one piece of clothing costs at minimum $10, but not even FXXI costs that cheap -unless it’s on clearance, and I rarely find my size or even pretty things on that aisle-, shoes are more expensive, bags: even worse. And, since I’m on the cheap side lately, the only thing I allow myself to splurge on these days, are ebooks, because hardcovers are outrageously overpriced, and the kindle store is still cheaper than buying paperbacks (yes, my economy is this bad). And I buy zero clothes, zero makeup, almost zero beauty products (except necessities such as facewash and makeup remover) because otherwise, I would become homeless after one trip to H&M and Sephora. I’m serious.

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  • Reason 2: Lack of space.

I live in a one-bedroom apartment: we’re two people and one cat. There’s just no space for anything. We’re soon moving this summer to a two-bedroom small apartment, because we need a computer room, which we will also use for storage. I do have a couple bookcases, and I already own like 100 books, which is way a lot already… but damn, if you want me to be honest: the idea of having large bookcases full of pretty, colorful books is AMAZING… but it’s just so damn INCONVENIENT when you have to be moving all the time. I tend to move every 2-3 years, due to many reasons, and every time I tend to become more and more of a minimalist mindset. My apartment is still full of crap, but it’s mostly my boyfriend’s stuff, because he’s a hoarder. Everything I own, is old clothes, some 20 pairs of old shoes, CDs, some videogames, my books, and teddy bears (yes I know, somehow I’ve collected those), and it still seems like I own too much stuff, and it’s starting to feel suffocating.

So, having a room with a couple giant bookshelves full of beautiful books, another room full of clothes, shoes and accessories? Maybe one day, when I finally get to own a house and have a good job.

  • Reason 3: Lack of time.

I admire those people that are amazing at keeping and managing their own agendas. You know, those people with kids and family obligations, who somehow manage to run a blog and a job, and perhaps even school at the same time… I totally admire them.

I’ve always been awful at managing my time. It wasn’t until I started school, about 5 months ago, that I realized that the only way to survive university, was to force myself to have discipline. Back then when I started, I was both studying full-time and working part-time, and I failed miserably, because of the sudden change and the impact that school (along with a stressful job) made in my life. I had to quit my job, but it still proved hard for me to adapt, and it was mostly because I lacked discipline.

Still, at this point, even if I do manage to have a strict agenda and stick to the discipline required to be successful in school, I can still say that I do not have the necessary amount of time required to maintain a blog, at least not in the way I would like to. Because it is simply not my priority at this moment.

And honestly, I am not really sure that being a book or beauty blogger is what I want to be doing full time… sure, it looks amazing, and the most successful bloggers look tremendously happy about all the perks and good things that come along with it. But what people don’t notice, is that that kind of lifestyle, has an incredible amount of stress and responsibilities, and I’ve read a lot about blogger’s experiences and insights for years. (It becomes your full-time job, mostly underpaid and you can’t seem to make ends. Just read this article written by one of the youtubers behind Just Between Us, it’s an eye opener). I believe that reading about the sad truth behind blogging is what has put me off this kind of lifestyle.

I love books, I love the thrill of finding new, exciting books to read, and I love to talk about them… but I’m just an awfully slow reader, and by no means I’m an expert or have any idea about how to review them, I can just guide myself about the things I feel when I do. But I know that I do not want to avoid sleep, or gaming, or watching Netflix, just for the sake of reading non-stop and writing a thousand reviews (some of my favorite book-bloggers read about 15 books a week, how the hell do they even do it? Is that even a life?). So starry dreams aside, I’ll just read as much as I am able to, without rush or pressure; and I won’t add more stress to my already stressed life. It is just not for me.

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As tempting as it sounds, I don’t have what it takes to be doing this all the time… sigh.

Which brings me to my last point:  Reason 4: I’m just not passionate enough (at least not about the books or beauty niche). I believe this is the most important reason of all, because it doesn’t matter if you have time, spare money, a nice laptop, a nice camera. If you don’t have passion about it and are not willing to sacrifice many things for the sake of your intended niche… there’s just no point. In my case, like I already mentioned, I am not willing to dedicate a lot of my time and effort to make reviews of products. If I ever want to do it, it will be something I totally believe in, like the holy grail. You know, that book that leaves me mesmerized (which happens every once in a while), or that face cream I’ve been using for years because it has become my skin’s best friend…

So that’s what I believe it’s the difference between blogging as a hobby, and blogging for something else… and then when you reach a point in which your blog or youtube channel stops being a hobby and becomes your full-time job, it’s up to you if you want to give the step and become something more… However, I do find that there are many bloggers who claim that blogging is their hobby, but will also admit that it comes with a lot of stress, and are afraid of losing readers if they do not write constantly. I wonder then, are they truly sure that’s what they want to be doing?

Just do what you feel like doing, whenever you feel like it.

Yas.~

The Sad Truth…

The sad truth is… that my paid web hosting is about to expire… today or tomorrow, I can’t remember when.

The sad truth is… that nobody is going to read this post, but I still want to write it.

The sad truth is… that once again, I didn’t do the things I had planned for my blog. Because of school, work, because I don’t have money and I’m flat broke… and mostly and above all, because of my own personal lack of motivation.

What do you need in order to create a lifestyle blog? I used to believe that you need money. You know, in order to pay for all the travel, restaurants, clothes, makeup… I used to believe that you need to show the world how consumerist you are and how much you believe in capitalism. That is probably the truth about fashion and beauty blogs -not that consumerism or capitalism is a bad thing, I’m not a socialist-, but in order to keep the posts coming, you need to have the capital.

A lifestyle blog, is much more than just consumerism… it’s heart and soul. It’s a voice. A voice deep inside that constantly wants to come out and be heard. A lifestyle blog is what you make of it. A lifestyle blog it’s your child.. And of course, like a child, it requires maintenance and love.

How can I write a lifestyle blog when my own lifestyle is a mess? Negative as it sounds… there are things that are priority on my life: right now my priority is school.

Last semester was my first one at college. I dreamed for ten years about going to university. I wasn’t able to for personal and financial reasons, so I took the first step. My first experience wasn’t the best, since I had the most disastrous semester ever… I got so depressed, thinking that I’m a failure and I’m not smart enough. Well, after ten years without sitting in a class, I was probably adapting to it, so I couldn’t have known what to expect: It hit me like a splash of freezing-cold water on a morning. And the last thing I was thinking about, was blogging. Who wants to hear the words of a sad college student?

Well, I believe that every experience in our life, be it good or bad, makes us who we are. I take that experience to learn from it. I thought about quitting school, I wouldn’t have been the first one nor the last one, but I am still here, trying again… trying harder, trying smarter.

But what it has to do with my blog? I won’t be trying to be successful anymore, that proved wrong, that led me to be another sad, failed wannabe blogger. My paid web hosting may have died, but I’m coming back. And this time, I will be myself.

No money for restaurants or for traveling around the world, just me and my thoughts, my words.

 

Yas.~